


aye aye captain

by pleasesupplymewithyourwahoos



Series: the juno steel captainverse [1]
Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Fluff, I have no real rationale for this, Marriage Proposal, Multi, Other, Peter Nureyev is a Fucking Nerd and penumbra nation must accept this, a prequel to the og captain juno steel fic, i got nothing else, i have like, it'll make sense I swear, it's so self indulgent and yet, listen, no beta we die like all of Juno's non-buddy parental figures, other than the fact that this au has been living in my head rent free, this is like, this is literally just fluff, three fics planned out just in this au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:22:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29373030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pleasesupplymewithyourwahoos/pseuds/pleasesupplymewithyourwahoos
Summary: “Oh, Mistah Steel you were AMAZING back when Dark Matters had us all tied up," Rita cooed, "You were GENIUS! You can take down all the bad guys with just your brain, you’re probably the best sharpshooter in the GALAXY, and you’re a VERY classy lady.”“What does that have to do with it?” Juno demanded, but Buddy nodded.“No, no, she’s right, it’s an important criteria.”
Relationships: Alessandra Strong/Alessandra Strong's Wife, Buddy Aurinko & Vespa Ilkay & Peter Nureyev & Rita & Jet Sikuliaq & Juno Steel, Mick Mercury/Nova Zolotovna, Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel, The Extended Aurinko Crime Family
Series: the juno steel captainverse [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2157636
Comments: 4
Kudos: 55





	aye aye captain

“I just think-”   
  


“Buddy…”

“That if you were to push yourself just a little-”

“Buddy.”

“You’d make an excellent-!”

“Captain! Buddy! Mom!” Juno pleaded, all but banging his head against the table, “Captain Buddy Mom! The answer’s still no!”

Buddy put on a fake pout and leaned against the table. “Why not?”

“I- It’s just-!” Juno groaned, “It’s a lot of things! If Jet said no, then I’m sure as hell not going to say yes! I don’t even know what I’m going to do after this whole thing winds down!”

“Bullshit.” Buddy said, resolutely. “Vespa?”

“You should do it, kid.”

“Jet?”

“I agree with Buddy and Vespa.”

“Rita?”

“I agree with Mistah Jet!” Rita cooed, “Oh, Mistah Steel you were AMAZING back when Dark Matters had us all tied up, you were GENIUS! You can take down all the bad guys with just your brain, you’re probably the best sharpshooter in the GALAXY, and you’re a VERY classy lady.”

“What does that have to do with it?” Juno demanded, but Buddy nodded.

“No, no, she’s right, it’s an important criteria.” She said, ignoring Juno protests as she turned to the corner. “Prisoner?”

“I already betrayed Dark Matters for you!” Sasha cried, shaking her hands from where they were tied in front of her, “You don’t have to keep tying me up!”

“Yes, we do.” Buddy beamed at Juno, “See? The prisoner agrees with me!”

“I still don’t approve of this lifestyle-!” Sasha cried, before being shoved back into the brig.

“We’re all in agreement, darling!” Buddy said cheerily, as if she hadn’t just kicked a woman into the ship equivalent of jail. “So, why must you remain so adamant in your refusal?”

“Refusal of what?” Peter asked, slinking out of the hallway and into the kitchen. Juno smiled, and let the thief press a kiss to his cheek before sitting down behind him.

“Refusal to take my position, Pete.” Buddy replied, and Juno groaned.

“I just think it’s stupid!” Juno protested, “I’ve barely been a criminal for a year and a half, how can you expect me to take up so much responsibility?”

“I think you’d take it up rather well.” Buddy shrugged.

“That’s not a compliment!” Sasha yelled from the brig, “And how come the thief gets to sit at the table?”

“He doesn’t, technically.” Vespa sneered, “But Buddy’s too fond of him to lock him in the brig and Steel was sulking when we cuffed him so…”

“You flatter me so.” Peter teased, making Vespa stick her tongue out at him. “And I’m rather inclined to agree with our Captain.”

“Thank you, Pete!” Buddy beamed, “I knew I made the right choice not throwing you out the airlock! Please, try to enlighten your darling fiancee.”

“Well, you acted admirably during the Curemother Heist, not to mention Dark Matter’s invasion and my return.” Peter mused, leaning against Juno’s chair. “And I think the title would suit you well.”

“Really?” Juno scoffed, “You’d really see yourself calling me ‘Captain Juno Steel’?”

“I’ll call you whatever you like, love.” Peter smirked.

“Ok, firstly, ew.” Juno chided, making Peter laugh as Vespa gagged. “No flirting in front of the Captain. Or Vespa. Or Jet. Or VESPA.”

“Or your childhood best friend!” Sasha called, sounding seconds away from murdering Nureyev in cold blood.

“And secondly,” Juno ignored her, “You’re all idiots who are blinded by stupid familial love. I’d get us all killed in my first week as Captain and you know it!” He froze. “Wait, did Buddy just call you my fiancee?”

“Oh shit.” Vespa murmured.

“Did you not ask yet?” Buddy asked Peter, only a little sheepishly.

“Did you not say yes?” Rita demanded.

  
Juno whipped around to see Nureyev, who had somehow managed to go incredibly pale and flushed at the same time, chuckling awkwardly.

“Well, would you look at the time!” He declared, jumping out of his seat.

“You don’t have a watch.” Juno deadpanned, “Vespa confiscated it because it’s a potential weapon.”

“You never know what he could do with those little gears!”

“I just remembered that Jet wanted me to take a look at the Ruby 7!” Peter continued.

“I would never.” Jet frowned.

“Rita?” Peter whimpered, and Rita gasped.

“Oh, yeah! Mistah Jet, Mistah Nureyev, and I gotta do some real fancy car work. Real urgent!” She said, grabbing Jet and Peter and running out of the kitchen. “Bye Mistah Steel!”

“Hey, wait-!” Juno groaned, “We are definitely having this conversation when you get back!”

“Aye-aye Captain!”

~+~

“Ok.” Juno sighed, leaning against the cold metal of the wall. “Run this by me one more time.”

“It seems that your friends aren’t waiting for you in the apartment in Oldtown.” Jet said through Juno’s comms, “There are no burn marks or blood, but there does seem to have been a struggle.”

“Which means?”

“I hacked into the security footage and I saw these real weird fellas sneaking in and carrying out a bunch of bags.” Rita added, not looking up from her computer, “They got into a car and last I saw they disappeared on Vulcanis Way.”

“Can you run the plate and track them?” Juno asked, and Rita nodded.

“I can try.” She continued, typing furiously, “It’s not listed in any Martian Census, but I think it might be some kind of code… Just lemme convert these digits into standard Solar… a ha!”

“What is it?” 

“It’s a comms code! I’ll patch 'em through now.”

They stood in silence for a few seconds, only punctuated by the beeps coming from Rita’s comms. Then, a gravelly voice rang out in the alleyway.

“Ah, the Aurinkos… I’d say it’s a pleasure to meet you, but I’m afraid this is strictly business.”

“Where is Mick?” Sasha demanded, and Juno put a hand on her shoulder reassuringly.

The person in the comms laughed, “Really? Mercury? Of all the people in this room, you’re asking about Mick Mercury?”

“What do you want with our friends?” Juno glared at the person but they just smirked.

“Oh, we don’t want anything from them. But when we heard that the infamous Aurinko’s were dropping into town, we saw an opportunity. We want to make a trade.”

“What kind of trade?”

“Word on the street is you just picked up something with real value. We want in.”

“The Curemother or the Thief?” Sasha asked, and Peter scowled next to her.

“The Ruby 7, actually, but was that about a Cur-?”

“We can bring you the Ruby.” Juno cut in, eliciting a scandalized gasp from Peter and a grunt of protest from Jet, “The car for our friends, gotcha.”

“And of course, yourselves.” The person added, smiling wickedly. “I’m sure Buddy Aurinko could pay a fetching price for her oh so precious family, no?”

“This doesn’t seem like a fair bargain.” Juno replied.

“No, it doesn’t.” The person shrugged, “But it would be even more unfair for you to force me to kill Ms. Strong, her wife, your old friend, and his… for lack of a better term, sugar mommy. I’d get their blood all over my clothes, and this suit is dry clean only.”

“Jay-Jay?” Juno’s head snapped up at his friend’s voice, and Sasha’s eyes blew wide. “Sasha?”

“Mick!” Sasha cried, “Are you alright?”

“He’s fine.” Alessandra grunted, “Crystal’s knocked out and so is the heiress but-”

“These guys have guns!” Mick shrieked, “And not the stun kind!”

“So, if we don’t turn ourselves in to you, you’ll kill our friends.” Juno sighed, “Got it… Mind sending us your coordinates?”

“So glad you’ve decided to see things my way.” The person smirked, before a small window popped up on the screen with their coordinates. “I look forward to making your acquaintance, very soon, Juno Steel.”

“How do you-?” Peter demanded but was cut off as the screen went dark.

“So this… isn’t ideal,” Juno said, rubbing his temples.

“Indeed.” Jet replied through the comms, “Giving up the Ruby 7 and ourselves is the last resort, we need to find a way to disarm these people and retrieve your friends without giving anything up.”

“Rita, can you do a scan on these coordinates?” Juno asked.

“It looks like some kind of abandoned warehouse,” Rita answered, pulling up a set of schematics for the building. “There are two main entrances which connect to a central cell, which has three rooms. Halls are filled with guards, one of the rooms is an office, and the other is a storage room.”

“Which means Mick, Detective Strong, and the others are in the third room.” Sasha mused.

“All of the guards got guns without a stun setting and there are cameras everywhere.” Rita continued. “I can hack into the doors and disable the security cameras but my hands are tied everywhere else.”

They stood in silence for a second, Juno gently tapping against the wall, Sasha reading through the schematics, and Nureyev pacing up and down the alley, as Rita ran through the plans of the building.

“Ok,” Juno said after a second. “I think I have a plan.”   
  


~+~

It was simple. They had two points of entry, and if they didn’t take out the guards in each hallway, they’d be trapped. Rita hacked into the doors of the building, taking a second to note how easy it was to get the password.

“It’s their birthday, Mistah Steel!” Rita had cried, “That’s so obvious!”

Since the guards’ guns had no stun setting, any shot that hit the chest or head would be lethal. Not to mention, the room which Mick, Alessandra, and the others were trapped in was smack dab in the center of it all. There was no way the people in the office wouldn’t hear a commotion. Not ideal, but workable.

When they came crashing into the warehouse, Juno almost felt bad for the poor guards. In one hallway, Rita and Jet burst in on the Ruby 7. With their shields up, and their speeds way too high for city travel, those poor guards and their guns never stood a chance. 

In the other hall, Rita cut the power. A few dozen guards might not be able to hit a target in pitch-black darkness, but a master thief, a disgraced former secret agent, and the four-time champion of the HCPD sharpshooting competition might.

“Thief!” Sasha cried, hitting one of the guards in the head with the back of her gun. “On your left!”

“I got it!” Juno yelled, sliding underneath the guard’s fists, and grabbing a knife from Nureyev’s holster and cutting through the three guards’ thighs.

Peter smiled, grabbing one of Juno’s blasters, tossing it to him as the ex-detective did the same with his knife. Allowing Peter to wrap his arm around his waist, Juno kicked out and hit one of the guards in the stomach, shooting the one behind him, as Peter slashed through the third’s throat above him.

“Nice catch.” Juno teased as the thief lifted him up.   
  


“Nice shot.” Peter replied, grasping Juno closer with a smile. Sasha groaned, kicking two of the guards to her left before shooting the one behind Peter through the neck.

“If you two are done traumatizing me, we do have an actual reason to be here!”

“Right, right.” Juno chuckled, “Hey, Ransom, what do you think? Think we could get the rest of these bozos to shoot their teammates?”

“Child’s play, love.” Peter smirked. The three of them ran down the hallway, jumping over guards and ducking just in time for their blasts to fly over their heads. Sasha ran ahead and shot the two guards turning the corner from Rita and Jet’s hallway. Juno laughed as Peter pulled him up into the Ruby 7 and they jumped off in front of the door to their friends’ cell. Juno took one shot straight through the lock and the doors fell open.

“Juno!” Alessandra smiled.

“Sasha!” Mick beamed.

“Three people I’ve never met!” A short woman, Alessandra’s wife Crystal, Juno presumed, said.

“Monsieur and Madame Dauphin?” A fourth figure cried and Juno had to do a double-take.

“Nova Zolotovna?” He demanded, as Sasha knelt down and cut through MIck’s cuffs with a plasma knife. “The hell are you- Oh no.”

“Juno. My love.” Peter cleared his throat. “I think you may have failed to mention that your friend’s… paramour, was Nova Zolotovna.”

“That’s why you got kidnapped.” Juno groaned. “Cause everyone notices when Nova goddamn Zolotovna arrives in Oldtown.”

“You know each other?” Alessandra asked, pulling her wife up from the floor.

“We… ran into each other, about a year ago.” Juno said, nervously.

“They stole my globe and the Monsieur didn’t even marry me!” Nova wailed. Mick pat her back sympathetically.

“What do you know.” Alessandra chuckled. “I like you more already. Alessandra Strong, PI.”

Nureyev took her hand and shook it. “Peter Aurinko-Nureyev, thief and part-time domestic terrorist.”

“As much as you two getting to know each other absolutely terrifies me,” Juno cut in, “We do have to start escaping.”

“Not so fast.” That gravelly voice. Juno whipped around to see the person from the comms call standing by the door, holding their gun to Nureyev’s head. “So. You’re the Aurinkos, huh.”

“Underwhelming, I’m sure.” Juno replied, voice and eyes cold. “And you must be Suryan.”

“How do you know that?” Suryan snarled, pushing their gun hard against Nureyev’s skull, making the thief wince.

“Intuition.” Juno smirked, “Also your name is written on like every door.”

“Very funny.” Suryan scowled, “Unfortunately, your humor won’t be getting you out of this one. You’re cornered now. No way out. We gave you a choice, you know? I wanted this to be simple.”

Suryan smiled wickedly, cocking their gun once before pressing it back against Nureyev’s head.

“But, I have to spill a little blood to get you to do things my way, that can be arranged.”

Juno could practically feel time slowing down as Suryan pulled the trigger. As he reached for Nureyev’s hand, there was a loud crash in the wall. Jet and Rita burst through in the Ruby 7, creating quite an exit. Juno pulled Nureyev back towards him just in time to avoid the thief getting pummelled by the car. Suryan on the other hand…

Nureyev had wrapped his arms tight around Juno, shielding them both from most of the damage, but The Ruby 7 had done quite a lot of it. All that was left of Suryan under the car and the debris was their hand, poking out from under the concrete, their gun fallen to the floor.

“Are you ok, babe?” Juno asked, running his hands over Nureyev’s face and shoulders. “They didn’t get you?”

Nureyev smiled and kissed the top of his forehead. “Nothing more than a scratch, dear.”

“As much as we all wouldn’t want to watch you two be gross,” Alessandra cut in. “I do believe we have a getaway car?”

Mick jumped up, pulling Nova into the Ruby after him and Sasha after her. Alessandra and Crystal took the backseat and Peter jumped up onto the seat before lending a hand to Juno and sending them both laughing and crashing into the seats as the car began to move again.

“So what did you even want to meet us for?” Alessandra asked as they flew through the Martian atmosphere. “A reunion? Coffee? Travel tips?”

Juno smiled languidly. “Actually, I had something of a job offer.”

~+~

“Are family dinners always this…” Alessandra trailed off as Juno handed her a piece of Rita’s cake, “Loud?”

Juno laughed, watching Vespa, Peter, and Sasha squabble over who would get the last piece of reshmi kebab. He’d spent 6 hours preparing that meal, if you counted the prep he and Rita did the previous night, and the family had devoured it within 20 minutes.

“Pretty much.” He sighed contentedly, watching Vespa drag her nails across Peter’s scalp while Sasha pulled at his leg and Jet and Buddy tried pulling the two women off of Nureyev. “But you get used to it.”

“Fond too.” Alessandra teased, “I didn’t think you’d be a crime kinda gal, Juno, let alone a Crime Family kinda gal. It’s a good look on you.”

Juno beamed. “I missed you, ‘Sandra.”

“I missed you too.” She chuckled. “Who’d have thought it? Two former PI’s eating cake with criminals.”

“If I was just a little older and wiser I’d say something about the circle of life.”

“I’ll drink to that.” Alessandra quipped, raising her glass in a mock toast. Peter looked over at the two of them and smiled. It would’ve been cute if Sasha hadn’t tackled him in victory just a second later. Juno winced to hide his laughter as the two of them squabbled underneath the table. He sat down next to Vespa as Peter stood up with an awkward laugh.

“Excuse me, I have to… go check on something.” He said, practically running out of the room. Juno frowned. It’d been a couple months since the incident with Dark Matters, and none of them liked the idea of Peter betraying them in any capacity. He’d come through, in the end, but still… Juno worried about him sometimes.

“So, how’d you two lovebirds meet?” Mick asked, waggling his eyebrows at Juno.

“I tried to arrest him and he stole my keys.” Juno smirked. “And I should be asking you this! How the hell did you end up with Nova Zolotovna?”

“That’s a funny story actually.” Nova chuckled, “So, remember that time your fake-husband wanted to elope with me so you attempted to murder me?”

“I can guarantee you that’s not how it happened.”

“Well, I was feeling lightheaded up on that stage, and I all but fainted into the arms of a VERY dashing security guard!”

“That’s me.” Mick beamed. “I’m the dashing security guard.”

“After that, we danced, and drank, and at the end of the night he walked me home and-!”

“Nevermind!” Juno laughed, “I’d rather not know, on second thought.”   
  


“Juno?” Peter called from the other room, “Could you come into the hall please? I, uh, need your help?”

Juno frowned. “Uh… ok?” He got up, pushing gently past Mick and Nova as they giggled and stared into each other’s eyes. Juno suddenly felt a wave of sympathy for Vespa when she had to deal with him and Peter. “But if you waste all my time and the pulao is gone by the time we’re done I-”   
  


Juno froze in the doorway as a hush fell over the ship. The hall was dark, the floor and shelves lined with small candles making swirls of light across the ground, lighting his path. Somewhere in the background, he could hear music playing gently, reminiscent of a tune he’d heard once on Brahma, but he couldn’t take the time to pay attention or care. All he cared about was the man kneeling in the center of it all.

Nureyev smiled sheepishly. “I, uh. I had to change my suit. It had kebab and chutney on it.”   
  


Juno laughed, trying to ignore the tears welling in his eyes as he walked towards Nureyev.

“I should probably start talking.” Nureyev continued, turning over the small box in his hands. “I had a whole speech planned out and everything. But now… For some reason, I can’t recall a single word.”

“That’s ok.” Juno said, kneeling in front of Peter, “I can live with that.”

“I know but I want to do this right.” Peter shook his head before speaking. “Juno. When I first met you, I thought that you were an idiot.”

  
“Aren’t you supposed to be complimenting me?” Juno laughed.

“A brave,” Peter ignored him and pressed on, “Noble, intelligent, kind, witty, and utterly beautiful idiot. From the moment you asked me whether I ate my own cologne, to kissing me into handcuffs, to you turning me in to the authorities, I knew you were a bad idea I had to follow through on. A bad idea who had stolen my heart. A bad idea I fell in love with.”

Peter smiled in earnest then, as Juno blinked back tears and took Peter’s shaking hands in his own. “You’re a bad idea I want to spend the rest of my life with. Here. With this family of ours. And so…”

“It’d be the greatest honor of my life… if you became… my captain.”

Juno paused. That was… not the line. “What.”

“I don’t believe I misspoke, love.” Peter smirked, and Juno reached forward and grabbed the small box from his hands. There was no ring, no string of pearls, just a knife. Peter’s knife from the morning’s rescue mission, glinting a pale pink and green in the candlelight.

“I can’t believe you-!” Juno groaned, pushing Nureyev back. The thief laughed as he toppled onto his back, and Juno fought the urge to laugh with him. He spun on his heels to the door, fully intending to sulk and lock Nureyev out of his cabin for the foreseeable future, but he was met with a barricade.

Buddy Aurinko stood in front of him, smiling devilishly. Arm in arm with her were Vespa and Jet, who stood behind Rita as she giggled. Sasha Wire was at her side, Mick jumping about excitedly behind her, with Nova Zolotovna’s arms around his shoulders. Alessandra and her wife leaned languidly against the wall, and Juno knew he was trapped.

“You’re in on this?” Juno turned on Sasha, “I thought you ‘disapproved of my life choices’.”   
  


Sasha scowled. “I’m a good influence, not a monster. If you really must insist on this lifestyle, then I’ll be here, by your side, helping you do right by people.”

“Answer the question, darling.” Buddy chided smugly, “It’s not very polite to keep a lovelorn man waiting.”

“I wouldn’t say lovelorn-!” Peter protested.

“Look at him!” Buddy continued, “He’s pathetic!”

“So what’s it gonna be, Mistah Steel?” Rita said, bouncing up and down. Juno groaned.

“Fine! I give up.” He sighed. He walked back over to Peter, pulling him by his lapels, grabbing the box from his hand, and pocketing the knife. “I’ll take the damn job.”

Rita squealed and Buddy beamed at him. “You won’t regret this, darling.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Juno said, glaring down at Peter, and only half meaning it. “I still expect a proper proposal, by the way.”

Peter smirked back up at him. “Aye aye, Captain.”

**Author's Note:**

> come yell at me on tumblr @ vespaaurinkos or on twitter @brownpunkmagic


End file.
